Believe it or not some of my most common questions and DM’s are about dating, relationships, singleness, etc. Which is funny because I would not say I am one to give top tier dating advice. I’ve had my experiences, good and bad, and I am not always one to take my own advice. Dating is something I am still navigating here at 29 and I know a lot of you girls are right here along with me. I was talking with another friend of mine earlier today about dating (specifically with our careers as a blogger and how it has affected how we date) which kind of inspired me to write this post, give you guys an update on my romantic life, and what I am working on.
But First a Little Background
Just a quick little background on my dating life. I have never been that girl who’s constantly in relationship to relationship, that has just never been me. My very first boyfriend I dated for about 4 years- all through college and then we broke up my senior year. I really do think he set the bar and my standards high for dating in the future because he truly was a great person and a wonderful boyfriend. Just wasn’t the one for me! A few years later I entered my next long term relationship after living in Dallas for about two years. This relationship… not so great. I feel like that relationship was totally one of those “life lessons” and played a huge part in my story to where I am at today and knowing my worth. That relationship ended in early 2017 and since then I have dated guys for a few months here and there, gone on a couple dozen dates, but nothing really long term has surfaced. I am not going to date someone, just to date someone. I don’t understand how anyone could do that. So here we are today, 29 years young (I’m still in my prime, people!) and still single. And you know what? It’s OKAY. I’m OKAY.
My Thoughts on Dating Today
I was for the most part single for the entire year of 2018 and oh my gosh you guys it was one of the best years of my life. I focused on my relationships with my girlfriends more than ever, made new friends, traveled a TON, accomplished so many of my professional goals, moved into my dream house, and all in all really had an incredibly fulfilling year. Do I wish I had someone else to share these experiences with? Of course I do. But something I really focused on was patience and truly trusting God and his timing. I know in my heart that he has big plans for me, way better than I could even plan for myself. I came across a quote by Joyce Meyer a few days ago that I really loved.
“I believe that a trusting attitude and a patient attitude go hand in hand. You see, when you let go and learn to trust God, it releases joy in your life. And when you trust God, you’re able to be more patient. Patience is not just about waiting for something… it’s about how you wait, or your attitude while waiting.”
How you handle the waiting period is up to you. You are in control. Sure, I have my moments where I get a little emo or wish I had someone to just do normal “couple” things with, double dates, a built in best friend. Hell, the other night I even broke down in tears for a bit while Ellie looked at me like “ummm get it together, mom.” it’s absolutely hard and discouraging at times. We are wired to love and want to share our lives with someone else. But honestly, most days are good- I stay busy and motivated, and try to use my time doing things that fulfill me and spending time with my friends. Some of my favorite memories are spent with my girlfriends drinking wine on the couch or a long dinner or night out. This is your time to be a little selfish!
I will say that there is one thing I have learned that honestly didn’t come easy to me at first. You are not for everyone, nor is every person you date going to be for you. DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY. I used to walk away from dates or seeing someone multiple times thinking I had maybe found my match, only to find out they didn’t think I was theirs. “Ummm excuse me, RUDE. I am such a catch how could they not feel the same way?” haha ohhh lawd… things we tell ourselves. And I have gone on dates with perfectly good guys that check all the boxes, but I just knew they were not for me. And THAT’S OKAY! Don’t stress yourself out or try to analyze what you did or said wrong, etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Move on, wish them well… and on to the next. That is why we date, to find our match and honestly what are the odds of you connecting with every single person you go out with?
My Personal Struggles
I have to say some of my biggest struggles have been letting go of the “timeline” I had planned for myself. I never ever would have thought that I would be approaching 30 and still single. But honestly when I think about it, I feel like it has been a bit of a blessing (and in the back of my mind I know God knows EXACTLY what he is doing and this is a part of my plan). I am not the same person I was in my early, even mid-twenties. I have grown and experienced so much, have learned to be 100% independent and have created a pretty damn good life for myself. These are accomplishments I am so proud of and I know that I might not have experienced these things had I been married already. I am at the point now where I feel like the addition of someone else will only enhance (NOT COMPLETE) the life I have already created for myself .
If I am being honest here another struggle I have with dating (and this might surprise you a bit) is this blog. I mean, when you think about it, sharing details of my life on the internet with thousands and thousands of people everyday is a little weird. I am so proud of this passion of mine turned business, but in all truth a lot of the time guys just don’t get it. And I get that they don’t get it. ha! I honestly try to keep the blog and exactly what I do on the DL for as long as I possibly can. I would prefer them getting to know me personally for awhile before following me on IG or reading the blog. Idk I just feel like when everything is out there to see it takes away some of the mystery and the fun when you are first getting to know someone. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE sharing my life with you guys, but my space is mainly for women and I talk about/share things on my platforms that I probably would steer clear from for awhile with someone new. There is just a fine line between wanting to put it all out there with you guys and my personal life/privacy. And I honestly don’t know if I have figured out that balance yet. If it were up to me I would prefer to date someone who did not have social media!
Another thing I struggle with is perhaps being TOO picky. Ugh. I just feel as if the older I have gotten the more set in my ways I am, and certain of what I am looking for. I mean, at this point in my life I am dating with intention. Why waste my time with someone who I do not see a future with? I just have a problem of probably writing off people a little too soon. So you don’t have sparks flying immediately? That is okay…(and like I said this is advice I need to take) If this person interests you, has similar core values, makes you laugh, and you feel some attraction to, take the time to get to know that person a little better before making a decision. I feel like us women tend to go into dating with the mindset of “could this be my husband?” and analyzing every little thing instead of truly getting to know someone and actually enjoying dating. And honestly, I think this freaks guys the F out. Just enjoy getting to know someone, take it slow, and have FUN. Dating should be fun!
So get out there, have some fun, and enjoy this season of singleness and dating. Take this time to be selfish and do things for YOU. When you are taking care of yourself, honoring and trusting God’s plan, and living a fulfilling life full of joy, the right people and relationships will be attracted to you.
Love you guys, as always feel free to DM, message or email me.